We are all born with a sense of intuition, wonder and vitality,
but it’s not uncommon to lose touch with these gifts in our efforts to get love…
Even when our caregivers have the very best of intentions, it is natural for them to unconsciously pass their anxieties on to us. Words do not need to be spoken for us to instinctively know as children that certain behaviors, characteristics and beliefs will jeopardize the connection we need with our caregivers. We unconsciously learn to reject those parts of ourselves that cause our caregivers anxiety. As adults, we may notice:
- Constant monitoring of other’s reactions to us
- Perpetual self criticism
- Difficulty relaxing
- Discomfort in social situations
- Feeling the need to be successful in order to be valued
It may not feel safe to just be ourselves, and perhaps we wouldn’t even know where to begin being ourselves. So instead, we look externally for answers, and life feels empty and exhausting.
But it doesn’t have to be this way…
Lynn Kitajima, LMFT 